Disclaimer: This is a parody! Don't take ANYTHING seriously! Don't sue me! Okay, this was a comic someone drew and I set it to words!
Sick of Reading the same old Romeo and Juliet?
Random Girl Student: *sticks out toung* Ish!
Random Boy Student: Aw, Romeo and Juliet?!
Shakespeare: I resent that!
Sick of hearing the same old sex jokes?
Another Random Boy Student: "Thrust" to the wall! Ha ha!
The Revised ROMEO AND JULIET!
Warning: Contains Excessive sarcasm and cynicism! There's sarcasm dripping from the Ceiling!
Act One
Okay, so we're in Verona and the Montague's and the Capulet's have been killing each other for centuries because when men get mad they go out an kill each other.
~* Flashback *~
Caveman Capulet: *hits Caveman Montague with a club* Ugga!
Caveman Montague: Ug! *falls over dead*
~* End Flashback *~
Here are some Capulets.
*Greg: *smile*
*Sam: *sucking his thumb* *thinking* Mmm…suck thumb good…
((Note: For your convenience, in the story the Capulets will have * next to their names))
They Meet Some Montagues.
Abe: Grr
*Greg: YAHH!
*Sam: *suck*
Abe: Do you bite your thumb at us, sir?
*Sam: I do bite my thumb, sir! *smile* ((Note: Back then 'biting your thumb at someone' was like giving them the finger))
Abe: Do you bite your thumb at US, sir?
*Sam: I bite my thumb sir!
Abe: *really pissed off* DO YOU BITE YOUR THUMB AT US?!
*Sam: *bite, bite, chomp, chomp* I'M BITING MY THUMB!!! LOOK! LOOK!
*Sam's Thumb: *THROB*
*Sam: *sniff*
Pretty soon testosterone takes over…
Abe: CAPULET!
*Sam: MONTAGUE!
Mill (Benvolio, a peaceful Montague): *looks like a hippie (he looks like this throughout the whole story)* Yo, peace dudes!
Abe: *sweat drop*
*Sam: *sweat drop
*Seiben (Tybolt, a violent Capulet): with pitchfork, devil horns, pointed tail, and fangs (he has those throughout the whole story)* PEACE?! I HATE THE WORD PEACE! *firey background*
They Fight.
Dust Cloud with Sam, Greg, Abe, and Tybolt in it: *thonk* *pow* *bam* *fiery pitchfork hits someone* *fish hits someone*
Mill: I'll kill you all!
The Prince Comes.
Akuma (the Prince): *in a HUGE turban* You morons!
He gets mad.
Akuma: If you do this again I'll kill you all!
Duck on His Turban: Quee?
*Seiben: *really happy* Ooh! Let me kill them! Ooh! Me!
Later…
Quatre(Lord Montague, Romeo's Dad): *to Mill* Where's Romeo?
Mill: I think he's in love, sir.
Quatre: AGAIN?!
Shingo(Romeo): *outside sniffing a flower*
Quatre: What's he doing now?
Mill: He's got a flower up his nose, sir.
Shingo: YEOW!!!
Meanwhile at the Capulet's House…
Ling (Paris, a suitor): I want to marry your daughter!
*Trowa (Lord Capulet, Juliet's Dad): Well…um…isn't she a little young?
Ling: Younger than she are happy mothers made!
*Ariel (Juliet): *a baby* Goo?
*Trowa: *sweat drop* *thinking* MORON!
*Jade (Lady Capulet, Juliet's Mother): *a little girl* Husband, let's play house!
Just kidding, they weren't that sick. Juliet's 13. ^^
*Trowa: Let's have a party, then we'll see!
Meanwhile…
*Jade: *fully grown* Juliet, I need to talk to you.
*Ariel: *13 years old* Yes mother?
*Duet (Juliet's Nurse): *doesn't see Lady Capulet* And then *tells sick joke*
*Ariel: *sweat drop* O.o;;;
*Jade: *cracks knuckles* If you don't shut up…Juliet…would you like to be married?
*Ariel: *gulp* Um…er…uh…
*Jade: *grows fangs and claws* Grr…well?!
*Ariel: *sweat drop* *crosses fingers* Yeah…sure!
At the Montague's House…
Shingo: *sigh* *broken heart falls away from his head*
Haruka (Romeo's friend): Yo Romeo, there's a party at the Capulet's house! Let's go!
Shingo: *sigh*
Haruka: C'mon, you'll get over Rosaline soon!
Shingo: *sigh*
Haruka: There'll be hot babes-
Shingo: *instantly up* *heart eyes* Ooh! Where?! Wait…how will we sneak in?
Haruka: Easy…*puts on those fake glasses with a large nose and mustache* THESE!
Shingo: *face fall*
Shakespeare: *groan*
Shingo: I don't know…I've been having this foreboding…
Grim Reaper: *holding a scythe* *taps Shingo on the shoulder*
Shingo: Nevermind, I'll go! *shoves the Grim Reaper away*
At the Party Romeo tries his bad pickup lines…
Romeo: It is the East, and thou art the sun!
Random Girl: Loser.
*Seiben: I hear the bad pickup lines…*gets his pitchfork* OF A MONTAGUE! KILL! KILL! BURN! *fiery background*
*Trowa: Shut up, boy.
*Seiben: I will kill him someday…he will BURN!
Meanwhile, Romeo, Blissfully Ignorant…
Shingo: *pink hearts encircling his head* Who's that hot chick?! Yo, I'm Romeo! Wanna kiss?
*Ariel: LOSER!
WHACK! BAM! SLAP! CRUNCH!
Shingo: *now very badly injured* Whad I do?!
*Ariel: *thinking* Wait, the music's reaching a climax! I gotta do something! *out loud* Kiss please!
Insert Musical Climax Here
Shingo: *kissing Juliet*
*Ariel: *thinking* Going to fall over…
The Climax ends.
*Ariel: *heart eyes* You kiss by th' book! Be still my heart!
Shingo: *touches her face*
The Music Crescendos.
*Duet: *pops up between them* Juliet!
*Ariel: *wings, halo* *pushes Romeo away* Yes, good nurse?
*Duet: Your mother wishes to speak with you!
*Ariel: Yes, Nurse. *walks away*
Shingo: *thinking* Did she see anything?! *out loud* Um, 'scuse me ma'am. Who was that lady?
*Duet: She's Lady Juliet Capulet! ^^
Shingo: SHE'S A CAPULET?! A CAPULET?! *kicking wall* $*(&!!**$@^(*^*!* *(!^$(*!*^$(!!!
*Duet: *thinking* Strange boy…
Later in Another Room…
*Ariel: Nurse, what's the name of that boy?
*Duet: I don't know! ^^
*Ariel: FIND OUT THEN! *kicks her out of the room*
*Duet: KIDS AND THEIR HOREMONES!
Five Minutes Later…
*Ariel: Romeo Montague?!
Insert Sad Violin Music.
Ariel: My only love sprung from my only hate! Too early seen unknown and known too late! Prodigious birth of love it is to me…that I must love a loathed enemy! WWWWHHHHAAAHHH!!!
Duet: *thinking* Talk about mood swings!
Shakespeare poked his head through the fallen curtain.
Shakespeare: Well, that's the end of act one! *thinking* What are those actors doing?!
Voice: Y'know, this is like Titanic when Rose is talking *wonk*
Voice: BURN!!!
Voice: Shut up and put on your tights!
Act Two, the Balcony Scene is Coming Up!