Family Camping Trip From Hell Part: 1.
By: Mistress Maxwell
E-Mail: mistress_maxwel@hotmail.com

Disclaimer: Heh, heh, heh. Yeah, it's me again. Same drill as the last, I don't own Gundam Wing or Neo Gundam Wing. I'm just really hyper today and decided to write another demented fic revolving around the G-boys and their spawn. It's aptly named because anything to do with Gundam Wing in anyway, shape or form, is bound to get shot to hell.

What happens when Relena suggests that the 7 families take a group camping trip? If you want to know, read the story.

Heero, Duo, Trowa, Quatre, Wufei, Zechs, and Phoenix sit outside on Heero's back porch on a sunny Sunday afternoon in August.

Quatre: I don't think I've ever been this bored in my entire life.
Duo: Tell me about it! A kick in the teeth would be more exciting then this.
Heero: I can arrange that for you.........
Duo: *sweatdrop* heh, heh........no thanks Heero.......
Trowa: (his pupils dilate and he starts to pull his hair) Ahhhhhhh!!!!!!!! I can't take it anymore!!!! I'm going stir crazy!!!!!! (starts screaming)

Ariel, Triage, and Nova walk onto the porch.

Ariel: Papa's flipping out again *sigh* (turns to her brothers) You guys are so lucky that you didn't have to deal with him for 15 years.
Triage: (not paying attention since he's reading a Hentai magazine) Eh? Wha' j'a say sis?
Nova: (takes the magazine, rolls it up, and hits Triage over the head with it) Baka-tachi! Dad's spazin' out again.
Triage: (looks at Trowa who is kicking and screaming on the porch) Hmmm. The sun got to him again huh?

Ariel calmly walks around the corner of the house, returns with the garden hose, and starts spraying Trowa with it.

Ariel: Stop acting like a little child papa!
Miscellaneous voice: Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!!!!!!!!!!!! That's cold!!!!!!! I'll kill you idiots!!!

Shingo and Haruka come dashing around the corner of the house. Shingo hid behind Ariel while Haruka hid behind Heero.

Ariel: Ooooook. What did you idiots do now?

Sieben: (storms around the corner of the house, soaking wet and with little bits of rubbery plastic hanging from him) I'll tell you what those idiots did!!!!! They soaked me!!!! Haruka, you're a dead man!!!!! (walks towards 'Ruka).
Haruka: Yeep! Hey, you were complaining about it being too hot, so we helped you out. 
Sieben: By dropping a 10 pound water balloon on me?!?!?!?!
Shingo: Yeah. It takes a lot of water to cool off a hot head like you!
Sieben: Grrrr....(picks Shingo up by the throat) How would you like me to teach you how to swim, Winner?
Shingo: *gasp* I...already....know how to.... swim....
Sieben: That's good, cause' now I'm gonna drown you. (take's Shingo over to the pool that was being occupied by Ling, Duet, and Milliardo and dunks him under the water)
Ling: Sieben, if it's all the same to you, we came over here to get AWAY from the Hentai Squad, so, FIND SOMEWHERE ELSE TO DROWN WINNER!!!!!!!!!!!!
Sieben:........(releases Shingo)
Ariel: *sigh* The drowned rat that is my boyfriend......
Shingo: Shut up!!!!

The women walk out carrying lemonade and a cooler filled with ice.

Relena: So, did you guys find anything constructive to do yet?
Heero: ............(HY death glare)
Relena: Don't you give me that look Heero Yuy!
Heero:............
Hilde: Here you go dear. (hands him a glass)
Duo: Thanks babe (gives here a quick kiss on the cheek)

Shingo walks up while his shoes make a squeaking noise.

Shingo: Sieben has got to learn how to take a joke!
Heero: And you need to learn how to act your damn age!
Shingo: (while pouring water out of his shoes) Yeah, well.......what do you have to say about him? (Nods his head towards Haruka who is now perched on Heero's shoulders)

Milliardo walks up while rubbing his head with a towel.

Milliardo: (glaces at Haruka who is still hanging from Heero's shoulders) Hey 'Ruka, are we pretending to be Tweety bird today?
Haruka: Shut up onii-chan! (Looks around nervously) Our psycho cousin is around here somewhere, and I for one do not want to be a substitute fish like Shingo!!!
Milliardo:............
Heero:............(vein showing in his forehead)...................
Relena: *sweatdrop* Haruka, get off of your father's shoulders before he kills you........
Haruka: 'Kaa'san! You don't know how crazy "the girl" is!
Zechs: That's it!!! (grabs Haruka) Nobody talks about my son like that! (throws Haruka across the yard)

Haruka: Ow........

Duet and Ling walk up.

Duet: I'm bored........
Duo: I'm Duo, nice to meet you!
Duet & Hilde:....................

Suddenly, all the younger kids run out of the house.

Gin: Millie-chan! (glomps Milliardo)
Kin: 'Ruka-kun! (glomps Haruka)
Akuma: Shingo-san! (glomps Shingo)
Meiran: 'Tou'san! (glomps Wufei)

Everybody who has a person hanging off of them desperately tries to pry that person off.

Kin: (squeezing Haruka so tightly that he is being lifted off his feet) 'Ruka-kun! Didja' miss me?
Haruka: (desperately trying to get a hold of a nearby baseball bat) NO!!! Let go!! Ling, get your sister off of me NOW!!!
Ling: (grabs Kin by the waist and tries to pull her off of Haruka) Onna, let go now! And what the HELL are you wearing?!?!?!?!?
Haruka: (looks down and sees more then he ever wanted too) Good God! *passes out*
Gin: (while still holding onto Milliardo) What? They're only bikinis!
Ling: Exactly!!!!!!! (grabs a couple of towels and throws them over his sisters) You shouldn't be dressed like that!!!!!
Gin & Kin: But were 16 years old!!!!
Ling: Never mind the age! I don't care about the age!!!! (tries to drag them inside) 
Kin: We won't go yet!!! Sailor Moon is on a commercial break! (latches on tighter to Haruka even though he's passed out on the ground)
T.V.: "Fighting evil by moonlight..........."
Kin, Gin, & Meiran: SAILOR MOON'S BACK ON!!!!!! (run into the house)
Wufei: Treacherous Onna you!
Sally: What in the world did I do?!
Wufei: It's because of you that those onnakos are dressing like that and are addicted to the blonde idiot!
Relena, Sally, Jade, Dorothy, Quatre, Shingo, Akuma, Kasuka, Yowamushi, Millardo, Zechs, & Sieben: And what is wrong with blondes?
Wufei: It isn't necessary for me to explain what is wrong with blonde idiots. It would take me the next six months to go over it all.......*thawack* INJUSTICE!!!! I have a right to my own damn opinions!!!!*thawack*

(A.N: I have nothing against blondes. Flames will be duly noted, but I think that would be what Wufei would say. Gomen)

Sally: No you don't!

Meanwhile........

Shingo: *gasp* let....go....of....me....Akuma!*gasp*
Akuma: I love you cousin Shingo!
Shingo...........(blue faced, he points to his neck)
Ariel: *sweatdrop**big smile* Akuma! Let go of Shingo so he can breath and come give me a hug!

Akuma let's go of Shingo. Shingo falls to the ground while Ariel squeezes Akuma in a big bear hug.

Ariel: Akuma! You've gotten so big!
Akuma: Yup! You know how old I am now?
Ariel: How old?
Akuma: ( holds out the number on his fingers) I'm 10 ½ years old.
Ariel: Wow! I'll bet you'll be a big boy really soon.....
Shingo: Kami-sama forbid!
Ariel: (glares at Shingo) And I'll bet you'll be a Biseinen soon too..........
Shingo: Kami-sama forbid that too!!!!!

Ariel throws a knife at him without looking. The knife embeds itself in the ground an inch away from Shingo's face.

Shingo: Aack!!!*passes out*
Akuma: Wow! Can you do that again Ariel?
Ariel: Maybe later.
T.V.: "Dragon, dragonball. Dragonball Z......."
Akuma, Yowamushi, & Kasuka: DRAGONBALL Z IS BACK ON!!!!!(run inside)

Torrance stays outside.

Nova: Aren't you going inside Torrance?
Torrance: No. I'll stay out 'ere with you guys.
Triage: That's good! You can sit with me!
Torrance: No thanks Fluffy. (sits down beside Nova)
Triage: ................

Everybody gets very quiet.

Phoenix: Ash, do you have any suggestions as to what we should do?
Ashtear: No. I can't think of anything.
Relena: (stands up) Well I have a small suggestion......
Everyone: *mumble*

Relena: Why don't we all take the next few days off for a group camping trip?
Heero:........You're bound and determined to ruin the last of the summer aren't you?
Relena: Not at all Hee-chan. I think it would be a lot of fun for all of us, especially the kids since they so rarely get to go out into the woods.
Duo: *smiles shrewdly* Welp, we can't go Relena. We have no tent......
Relena: No problem Duo! I'll go out and buy tents for everyone!
Duo: ...............Damn. I though I would get away with this.
Relena: Heero, go out and get 13 tents and about 28 sleeping bags.
Heero: Wait one minute! You just said YOU would get the stuff. This was YOUR idea!
Relena: Yes, I know, but now I want you to go out and get the stuff.
Heero: But....
Relena: Please Hee-chan? *puppy dog eyes*
Heero: NO! N-O, that spells no!
Relena: (straightens up) Heero, you're mission is to get the camping supplies.
Heero: Miss-ion Acc-ep-ted. DAMN IT! You did it to me again!!!!!! (grabs Milliardo and Haruka and drags them to the car)
Milliardo: Why are you making US go, 'Tou'san?
Heero: If I have to go on your mothers damn errand then you're coming with me! (Drags them to the car).